This is why I always wanted to kill myself

Hi my name is kaushal I am 25 year old computer science graduate and jobless by the time you are reading the post I might find one job and would recover from my surgery.

Speaking about my surgery it was necessary thing for me because last two year were a suffering for me. Not because I was having some issue with my stomach and pancreas but pressure from family friends and surrounding were also one reason that I wanted to end my life.

My dad never told me to work and support family and had never taken interest into my academics. What I am doing and what I am upto. He only told one thing after you complete your study than find a job I would sit at home with cup of tea and watch tv.

This sentence pressurized me more even after getting graduated, I am not able to find job.

My mom, she always looked at us like a money printing machine, she thought after getting graduate we would land at some big companies and earn lakhs. But it never happened.

She use to always tell me find job earn some money support family do any job. This sentence made me feel worthless. That how can she tell us to do any job. The reason behind it was heavy loan and some wrong investment done by her. This would need a complete different article on it which I would write later.

My brother he was the sole earner of the house use to work hard and even do overtime to support family. He made me pack my bag and told to leave the house don’t stay here if you don’t find a job.

His intentions were not wrong even he had a lot of pressure from everywhere.

Looking at this all kaos I always thought I am worthless and it is better I throw my degree and kill my self.

This thing made me careless about my life and made me more sick from inside and slowly it got worst and It made me land in the hospital for chronic surgery.

Pressure from family is really difficult to handle it won’t let you do or achieve things and it diverts your focus. By as the time passes it gets worst and more pressure would create a situation to just end it. So this was the reason why I wanted to kill myself.

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